You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
