why didn't you poke me back
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
