Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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