he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
