She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
