shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I need to align my fucking chakras
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
