Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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