im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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