How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
