dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
