It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
