yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
