Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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