Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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