Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
