apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In America we eat man semen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
