i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
