"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
