I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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