I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
