the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
