i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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