I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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