I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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