Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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