you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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