It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
