she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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