I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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