You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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