Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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