Non-Jews are for practice
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
