look no pants
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's always time for handjobs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
