I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
