Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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