What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
handjob tips. give me some.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
