Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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