I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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