You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
