we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
