I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
