dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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