Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you will always have a special place in my vag
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
