I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
