He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
