He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
