this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
