Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
