I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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