my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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