The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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