It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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