I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
