You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There r osticjed everywhere
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
