the condom got lost in my hair
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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