i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
