so that wasnt chicken after all
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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