I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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