proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
