i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
