So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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