i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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