with your own penis?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
