Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
