That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
