Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
operation have a gay friend backfired
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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