i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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