I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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