How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need moral support for this bender
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
