i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
