Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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