If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
