A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
