Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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