You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
