If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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