she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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