Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
