Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
