Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
