She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize