omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
