i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
