That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
