she smelled like a LAN party
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
