So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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