Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
