What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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