First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
