Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
