and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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