There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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