my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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