whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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