I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
