Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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