im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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