..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
