There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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