I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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