remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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