I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
