I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
