I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
