You're my little dorito
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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