i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
