I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize