My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
