I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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