Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the day after is always just damage control
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
